‘Errare humanum est’. This Latin phrase is attributed to Saint Augustine, although many pre-Christian authors were already pointing in the same direction. To be wrong is human, we all make mistakes and what do we do when we are wrong? Well, sometimes we rectify and other times we look the other way, but we should always ask for forgiveness. We are reflecting on the lessons we learn when we ask for forgiveness. Is it hard for you to apologize?
What happens when we apologize?
In the same way that many people find it very difficult to say ‘I love you’, others find it very difficult to verbalize ‘I’m sorry’. Asking for forgiveness is not easy, it is even more difficult than forgiving and that is why it is said that asking for forgiveness is for the brave. Surely it has happened to you more than once that you have hurt someone and when you have realized it you have felt terrible, but you cannot apologize. You have to try, because asking for forgiveness has many benefits.
We remain calm
Ok, we screwed up and because of us someone is feeling horrible. Maybe it was something we said, something we did, or something we didn’t do, but it doesn’t matter. Now there are two people feeling bad: the person we have hurt and us. Yes, because that feeling of guilt and the feeling that we are bad people are not going to go away just like that.
We can only recover calm if we ask for forgiveness, if we sincerely apologize. And the result of that apology does not matter as much for our peace of mind as formulating it. It is always better to be forgiven, of course, but the relief is immediate as soon as we verbalize that: ‘I’m sorry’.
When we ask for forgiveness, we acknowledge a mistake
Perhaps what we have done is unforgivable, but we must ask for it anyway because the objective is to recognize the mistake before the wronged person. What are the errors for? They serve to learn from them and we can’t learn anything if we don’t recognize them first. Self-criticism is necessary in a case in which you must ask for forgiveness, something that must be practiced in conjunction with introspection.
Why have I behaved like this? How can I reduce the negative consequences? or how can I fix the error? They are questions that we must ask ourselves but after. The first is to accept that we have been wrong and the second is to ask for forgiveness from the heart.
We recognize the consequences of our mistake
There are times when they reproach us for our attitude and we can sense that they are right, but we are not aware of the consequences that our mistake has caused. This is an important point because until we understand how our attitude affects other people, we will not be able to understand why we are asking for forgiveness.
We restore security to that person
Asking for forgiveness is also useful for practical purposes. By apologizing we are restoring security to the person we have harmed. Imagine yourself in a couple’s discussion in which the tone is raised and the reproaches to your partner’s personality can dismantle their self-esteem in a matter of seconds.
The same happens in other areas, in the family, at work or with friends. The lack of empathy and not thinking about how the other person is going to take our attitude causes breaks in relationships, but above all, a break in the security and confidence that person has in themselves and in relation to us.
We give that person the importance they deserve
When we apologize, the action does not fall solely on us. Asking for forgiveness is an act for which the other person becomes important. A ‘I’m sorry’ also translates as ‘you are important to me’ and that is why I have gathered my strength, I have pushed away the shame and I am asking for forgiveness. Because that person matters to us and it is also necessary that they know it.
We grow as people
All of the above points come together to create the magic of forgiveness. What is that magic? That when we learn to apologize we grow as people, we mature and we also become a little better. Our human quality increases many points when we are able to recognize that we have been wrong and when we are brave enough to emotionally undress before another person.
And you, do you know how to apologize?