Lately, the voice of many women who say they regret having been mothers has been heard. This regret sparks bitter debates about motherhood and the difference between obligation and choice. Let’s be serious, being a mother is an option, not an obligation, and like any option you need a choice. So some women choose not to be mothers and are so happy for the rest of their lives, but what about those who regret not having children? That we do not regularly listen to their position does not mean that they do not exist. And here we want to give a voice to all the women who don’t know what to do when they think they made a mistake. 
Why haven’t you been a mother?
- You may have never had a maternal instinct, you may have been waiting for economic or sentimental stability, you may not have felt ready, but the fact is that you have not been a mother and now you are at an age where it is no longer possible.
- Having children is a great responsibility and it is still a choice in life. We are used to thinking that everything can be fixed in this life and that it is never too late. It is never too late to give a new twist to your life, the age does not matter to fall in love with the right person, to start studying, to change jobs, to leave everything behind and start a new life in another place… It is never late and age does not matter, that’s true. Except when we talk about fertility.
- If you have spent your whole life very sure that you did not want to have children and now that it is too late you regret it, what can you do? It is not something you can change, since at a certain age adoption is not even possible. And certainly it is about a fundamental aspect in life: to have children or not to have them. You can’t do anything about it except deal with that regret.
When you regret not having children
- It’s no use regretting not having children, you know that, but you can’t avoid that feeling of regret and having made a mistake in something very important. The first thing is to put aside the question of the usefulness of that feeling, stop thinking that it is useless to regret it, even if it is true, because the only thing you will achieve is judging yourself for what you feel.
- So allow yourself to feel the pain, the sadness, the regret, the guilt and all the emotions derived from a decision that you think is wrong. Accept those feelings and move to the next level. Okay, are we talking about a mistake in life? Should we accept that we all make mistakes, that we are not perfect? The truth is that it is not a mistake.
- When you made the decision not to be a mother or when you avoided making the decision to have children, it was not a mistake. It seemed best to you at the time because it was indeed the best. So it doesn’t count as an error. Only now your perspective on life has changed, but you did the right thing at the time. Try to identify the reason that led you to that decision.
- You have not had children because you decided so at the time. Would you be happier if you had children? In fact, we tend to idealize what we don’t have and to forget or minimize past negative situations. You can’t know it no matter how hard you imagine it. Would you be happier if you had studied Veterinary instead of Business? Do not get carried away by the “what if…” and focus on the present, on your real possibilities, on your current resources, which are surely enough to learn to love yourself and the life you have created for yourself.