Innocent or guilty? We tend to go to extremes, either black or white, or innocent or guilty, or good or bad. And the truth is that you cannot speak in absolute terms when we talk about almost nothing in this life, but especially in the case of the feeling of guilt. If you feel guilty for absolutely everything, you will understand that something is wrong, because you cannot be responsible for everything negative that happens around you; it is impossible. So we will have to solve this emotional overflow, but what can you do to free yourself from guilt and stop feeling so bad? Let’s start to drop ballasts.
When you feel guilty about everything…
- It is normal and even healthy to feel guilty when it is obvious that you have hurt someone, what is not healthy is that you feel guilty about absolutely everything. And lately you notice an intense weight in your chest. Because you have not supported your friend as much as you should, because yesterday you did not call your mother, because your son has caused a scene in the park, because your partner no longer says “I love you”, because you have made a mistake in the work or because you have forgotten to buy cereals in the supermarket.
- Anything, important or not, gives you a pang of guilt. And guilt is added to a significant wear of self-esteem. It turns out that the feeling of guilt leads you to negative thoughts about yourself that focus on your quality as a person and also on your abilities. If you feel guilty it is because you are a bad person or, at least, not as good as you thought. And if you feel guilty, it’s because your disabilities lead you to not be as perfect as you wanted.
- You will have verified that you cannot live with that feeling of guilt permanently. You will have verified that your emotional state has gone from being precarious to being completely destroyed. And that situation is the ideal breeding ground for disorders such as anxiety or depression to appear. So, it’s time to stop that feeling of guilt that floods your life.
Why does the feeling of guilt appear?
- But first you have to understand why you feel guilty about absolutely everything. Take a good look at the causes because through them you can reach the solution.
- Childhood is the time when guilt sets in. Parents, caregivers and educators instill in us a scheme of what is right and what is wrong with guilt and consequent punishment. If that time has been particularly restrictive, the seed of guilt begins to grow like a weed.
- The need for approval is another cause of the feeling of guilt. You want to do everything well so that others like you and approve of you and this is something very commendable as long as you do not exceed the limits of common sense. Not everyone can like you, not everyone will like you and that is something you will accept more easily if you have good self-esteem and feel confident in yourself.
- An excess of responsibilities leads to stress so high that it is impossible to manage. And that also generates guilt. Because excessive perfectionism and excessive self-demand are constant accusations that focus attention on the impossible.
- A lack of emotional intelligence can also cause that feeling of guilt for absolutely everything. Interpersonal relationships are full of misunderstandings and they are not always resolved in the desired way. But be careful, because you are not always responsible, have you thought about what part of the blame or responsibility falls on others?
- Throughout life we create for ourselves a scheme of values, sometimes too rigid, and we establish what is right and what is wrong. But vital contradictions exist and we do not always act following those values. Does that make you feel guilty?
- Logically, guilt can also appear for a well-defined and reasonable reason. Raise your hand the person who has never been wrong, who has not made a mistake in life or who has not hurt someone with or without intention. Relax, you will see that there is no raised hand.
The positive side of feeling guilty
- The fact that you make this rigidity more flexible in terms of valuing your attitude and your behavior does not mean that you should not accept blame on occasion and take responsibility for your mistakes. And here comes the positive side of the feeling of guilt, which also has it.
- Feeling guilty for something you have done or not done can lead you to want to improve as a person, to make amends, to make up for damage, or to overcome difficult situations. Knowing how to distribute responsibilities and be consistent with your actions is what creates balance between people. And also, the feeling of guilt is one of the promoters of forgiveness.
- Seen this way, the intention is not that you remove the feeling of guilt from your life, but rather that you stop feeling guilty about absolutely everything.
What to do to free yourself from guilt and stop feeling bad
- And indeed there are some things you can do to free yourself from the guilt. It’s time to do an introspection exercise and also learn to ask for forgiveness.
- Do you know how to forgive? To free yourself from guilt you must first learn to ask for forgiveness, to forgive others and, above all, to forgive yourself.
- Along the same lines as forgiving yourself, you find a solution in lowering the level of self-demand. Are you aware that you can’t be perfect?
- Look at the consequences, but not only those of your actions, which surely are not as serious as you think. Aren’t the consequences of feeling guilty about everything more serious?
- Self -criticism is positive and necessary, but when your internal discourse is negative, the result is an unobjective analysis of the situation.
- Do you know that we all make mistakes? We have all hurt someone at some time and we have all made the wrong decisions. And for those cases, self-punishment is not the solution.
- Take a moment to think about why. What do you blame yourself for? Because sometimes it’s a way of torturing yourself, anchoring yourself in guilt and avoiding facing certain consequences.
- There is another important question that can help you free yourself from guilt. What do you gain by feeling guilty? You gain torment, you gain worries and you gain emotional discomfort, but have you solved anything?
- Take the feeling of guilt as the problems. Like those problems to which you have to find a solution. And if there is no solution, take them away from your worries because you can’t do anything else.
- Visualizations can help you a lot to find well-being. Instead of imagining the terrible consequences of your supposed mistake, visualize what would happen if you were able to push away the feeling of guilt. Feel the lightness of a less weight inside you, feel the freedom to accept yourself as you are, feel the peace that comes directly from forgiveness.
- Remember that the feeling of guilt is closely related to low self-esteem, so try to improve that aspect of your life. And if you’re too caught up in guilt, don’t hesitate to ask for help from a professional.