All of us, throughout our lives, go through situations of identity crisis. This type of crisis goes beyond ” not knowing who one is ” and encompasses various areas of our lives.
Thus, an identity crisis has to do with who we are, but also with everything we yearn for, what we have lost and what we seek without really knowing how to get.
Identity crises come at any age, although most commonly they occur at a transition stage (for example, from childhood to adolescence, from adolescence to adulthood, or from adulthood to late adulthood). They also usually come with important changes in our lives, as we will see throughout the article.
What is an identity crisis?
- The term crisis actually comes from the evolutionary crises that mark each stage of life towards maturity. In the field of psychology, experts such as the social psychologist Erich Fromm or the psychoanalyst Erik H. Erikson, already spoke of this concept (Erikson, with his famous theory of Identity and the cycle of life).
- An identity crisis is a period of life where we feel lost on a vital and emotional level. It is a stage where certain unanswered questions take center stage: “What is the meaning of my life”, “Am I doing what makes me happy?”, etc., and which is tinged with a feeling of anguish, vulnerability and melancholy.
- It is important to note that an identity crisis is not a psychological disorder and that, therefore, it does not appear as a diagnosis in manuals such as the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders) or similar. However, if not adequately addressed, an identity crisis can lead to a more serious pathology.
A moment of change
Experts affirm that an identity crisis, or existential crisis, is a moment of change, which is marked by the person himself or by an external circumstance. The situations that generate this type of crisis are of a very diverse nature: a separation or divorce, the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, the entrance to a new stage of life, a change of city, etc. They are usually situations that generate uncertainty and anxiety, but that also bring opportunities if we are able to identify them.
Generated by various situations
According to clinical psychologist Jorge Barraca, an identity crisis is a “rethinking of vital issues; frequently the crisis starts from a specific issue, as something negative (for example, an affective separation or a health problem) or something positive (a move from home, a trip…)”. And he adds: “identity is granted by the framework in which the person finds himself at different levels, and it is a global questioning in the face of changes.”
How to deal with an identity crisis
How to overcome an identity crisis? The first thing we must do is lose fear of the possible crisis. In general, people go through different vital crises throughout our lives and it is something that should be naturalized.
Naturalizing does not imply not facing the situation, or downplaying it, but giving it the importance it deserves in our lives, but without entering into catastrophic thoughts. A crisis is a stressful life situation and, as such, it can be overcome.
But… what strategies or actions can work for us when facing an identity crisis?
Start a therapeutic process
- Therapy is a good tool to become aware of our current situation, our feelings and emotions and what possible causes are generating this feeling of emptiness, melancholy or uncertainty. In addition, it can help us to reconnect with our own essence and with our own identity.
- Identifying these causes, with the help of our therapist, will help us to get closer to the nature of our “problem”. This, in turn, will allow us to acquire the first tools to face the situation and to recognize ourselves again.
- Beyond going to therapy, which we always recommend in the event that there is suffering in our lives that we do not know how to handle, we can take other actions that help us manage this situation.
Identify what you want in your life
- Identifying what we want in our life makes us reconnect with ourselves. Faced with an identity crisis, it is normal to feel lost or without incentives to continue moving forward. A state of apathy and demotivation appears which, if left untreated, can end up leading to depressive symptoms.
- So it is important to be attentive to these symptoms, but also to be able to identify the things that are going well in our lives. That is, those that we want to maintain, those that make us maintain a minimum of enthusiasm or motivation.
- Identify them and find their meaning; Ask yourself: “What emotions do those things or those people generate in me that you do want to keep in your life?” Remember that self-knowledge is a path that leads you to yourself.
Focus on the present
- According to Jorge Barraca, in the face of an identity crisis it is important to work on rooting in the present, to move, to do things, to contact people. As the psychologist affirms, getting hooked on the present is what will give an answer to the crisis.
- And, for this reason, it is important to focus on the current time, on what is our day to day and on those things that, we insist, we want to maintain. This isn’t easy, and it takes practice, but it can be done. Practices such as mindfulness, deep breathing or meditation usually help a lot in this regard.
- Becoming aware of the present allows us to connect with our current state and with that sense of ” I ” (that identity) that has been distorted, or blurred, with the crisis, but that continues within us.
Consider what you want to achieve
- Focusing on the present to avoid anxious feelings focused on the future is not at odds with reflecting on what we would like to achieve in our lives or what we are really excited about.
- And it is that, often, behind an identity crisis there is a strong sense of frustration with our current situation. Perhaps, beyond feeling lost, we have realized that we don’t like our life. And it’s okay to identify these kinds of thoughts in order to remedy them.
- If you feel that you are not satisfied with your life, for whatever reasons, and whatever your age, it may be time to consider what you want to achieve. It doesn’t have to be a big goal; Sometimes it simply consists of proposing small daily challenges that take us out of the habitual state of apathy of existential crises.
- Look for your motivation, and if it is difficult for you to identify it, set yourself small short-term challenges (later on you will be able to set long-term goals). What matters is to stay active in your process of change.
Do not obsess about “overcoming” this crisis
- Many times the “solution” to an identity crisis comes over time, naturally, and many other times, this solution is outside of us. That is why we recommend that you do not become obsessed with overcoming this situation, but simply let your emotions flow with it, identify them, listen to them and give them their space (all of them have their reason for being), but do not become obsessed with making them disappear. (especially negative emotions).
- Not becoming obsessed involves becoming aware of the situation, but with a realistic awareness, focused on the present, without pretending to go further. It is good to reflect on what happens to us, but that this does not drag us into a sea of looping thoughts from which it is very difficult to get out afterwards.
- If you feel identified with some of the points discussed and you don’t know very well how to start working on your own change, ask for professional help and start charting your own path. A therapist can help you reconnect with yourself and find what defines you, in essence, beyond the life you are building (which also matters).