Have you ever felt that you changed the way you think or act for a person and you don’t really know why you did it? Didn’t that make you feel good? Do you have the feeling that there are people around you who make you feel bad for saying what you think? Or for acting in a certain way? So maybe you are dealing with an emotional manipulator.
An emotional manipulator is someone who, through their gestures, words and/or behaviors, influences your way of acting or thinking so that you do what they want, or to get some kind of benefit. Many times they act in a subtle way, that is why it is so important to observe, because it is not always easy to recognize them.
In addition, they act little by little over time, and progressively in an increasingly shameless way; for this reason, since the person has already “accustomed” to their behaviors, it is more difficult for them to detect them. These types of manipulators are based above all on emotions; they affect them, the weaknesses of people. But how to detect, recognize and deal with an emotional manipulator?
Emotional manipulator: 8 signs that give him away
We have selected 8 signs that give away an emotional manipulator. Keep in mind that in some people these signs are less obvious, and that there are manipulators that go more unnoticed (but that does not mean that they are not). What are these signs? Let’s meet them:
They use fear and guilt
Emotional manipulators use emotional blackmail to get what they want; that is why they will seek to awaken two feelings in you. Fear and guilt. Through these feelings they manipulate you, making you feel bad for things you haven’t done (or have done) and causing you fear for what they might do to you (sometimes in very subtle ways).
They are based on control and obligation
They are people who are also based on the control of the other, and on the imposition of obligations (especially when they have been with that person for a long time and their behaviors are more brazen). Through this control that we mentioned, they try to undermine the will of the other person and their criteria, so that they begin to act only as they want.
Show their strengths
Emotional manipulators tend to constantly show their strengths. They emphasize what they are good at and boast of “high” self-esteem (although this is not really the case, as we will see later).
They victimize themselves
Although they often show their strengths, emotional manipulators also use victimhood to get what they want. Therefore, they play the victim and incidentally, they make you feel guilty.
Thus, they can manifest exaggerated or imagined personal problems, health problems, frailty, etc., which encourage those around them to respond to their demands or needs.
They use manipulation
As his name suggests, the emotional manipulator will manipulate you to get what he wants, especially on an emotional level. It will influence your emotions to make you feel bad, or to make you believe that you feel something that you don’t really feel.
For this reason, they are people who manipulate the facts, who lie, blame the victim, make excuses , exaggerate, withhold information… They do everything possible to make you act as they would like without you noticing.
They are self-centered
They live focused on themselves. They do not seek to help or think about the other, but to think about what they need and how they can get it. For this reason, they do not know the meaning of empathy, reciprocity or companionship.
They have low self-esteem
- Although they seem like very self-confident people, they are not at all. Because? Because, just like narcissists (many emotional manipulators are narcissists), they need other people’s approval and affirmation in order to feel good about themselves. They even need to be venerated, extolled… because by themselves they do not achieve that value, since they are extremely insecure.
- And precisely because of this need to be loved and endorsed, they need to deceive, manipulate… Many times, they hide their weaknesses through this manipulation (and through their own exaltation, constantly remembering “how good they are”, as we said in the point of the strengths).
They are not assertive
Assertiveness allows us to say what we think and defend our rights without the need to hurt anyone or disrespect them. Well, these people have anything but assertiveness; That is why they say things aggressively or passively, but never assertively.
Sometimes they are very subtle, but what they are looking for is always the same: to make you feel bad or to change your behavior for their benefit.
How to act before an emotional manipulator?
How to act if you meet an emotional manipulator? We leave you some key ideas that can help you identify it, disarm it and get away from it.
Identify the manipulator
The first step will be to recognize the behavior of this person: try to determine if they manifest the signs discussed throughout the article, and above all, focus on how that person makes you feel. Does it get you to change behavior? Does he make you feel bad if you don’t act like he wants? Ask yourself these questions and above all, observe!
Express what you really want
If you do not agree with any of their requests, let them know immediately. Insist, don’t get tired of defending your opinion, your thoughts… Be firm with what you think, even if it makes you doubt.
Confront it
Confrontation is a strategy that consists of showing the other, that is, revealing to him, some inconsistency in his behavior or in his ideas; for example, his verbal and non-verbal behavior, two ideas that he has expressed, two actions that are contradictory to each other, etc.
If you want to be more direct when confronting, directly tell them that you are not willing to do what that person asks of you.
Let yourself be carried away by your intuition
Intuition is a tool that serves us for multiple situations in life; It is that inner “little voice” that tells us “this way yes” and “this way no”. It allows us to shed some light on ambiguous situations, it guides us, it tells us which way to go… It’s true, it’s not 100% reliable, but most of the time it works. Therefore: listen to it, keep it in mind.
Stay away from that person
- Finally, the firmest and most definitive step when it comes to acting before an emotional manipulator is to get away from that person. Directly, get her out of your life, or get away from her. And if, for whatever reason, you can’t get away (for example, you have children in common), apply the above points, disarm it and above all, don’t let her behavior influence yours. Be clear and firm with what you really want: do not let yourself be manipulated.
- And you, do you think you’ve ever encountered an emotional manipulator? How have you acted? Remember that, in order to act with these people, it is key that you have cultivated your own self-esteem, your criteria and your values.
- Manipulators have difficulty accessing or influencing people who are self-confident, clear-headed, and determined when making decisions. For this reason, beyond the ideas mentioned, remember to focus on yourself, on building yourself and discovering what you want, so that these types of people never have a place in your life.