There are what are called constructive criticism and destructive criticism. All of us at some point in our lives are going to have to criticize someone, but we are also going to receive them. We have to be prepared to do it without hurting, and to receive it without necessarily taking it personally.
And it is clear that there are people who do not know how to criticize without hurting, and people who are not capable of taking any type of criticism well. If you are in one of these two groups, you are aware of it and want to avoid it, we show you some tips to cope with it. And whatever group you are in, always remember this universal truth: everyone, absolutely everyone, can make mistakes. You can’t believe you’re perfect and go with an air of superiority, but you can’t fall for the opposite case either and consider yourself the worst person in the world…
Constructive criticism and destructive criticism
- The word critical seems like a very ugly word, but everyone is forced to do it at some point. You have to resort to criticism when someone is not doing things quite right, when something has not worked, or the result is not what we expected. The objective of criticism is, then, to improve what can be improved.
- It is through constructive criticism that this goal is achieved. But not everyone ‘knows how to criticize as’ is due. People who lack empathy or simply do not have sensitivity often resort to destructive criticism. The consequence: they do not meet even remotely the objective they pursue when making the criticism. Destructive criticism leads directly to tension, to reduce the self-esteem of the criticized and to create an atmosphere of tension. In this way, if the criticized was not doing things as the critic wanted, it is more than likely that the criticized slowed down and the results would be even worse than expected. And it is that repeated destructive criticism can lead to the deterioration of the person who receives it.
Steps to follow if you have to make a review
- How then to make constructive and not destructive criticism? Really this criticizing is an art, but everything is learned. The first thing to be clear about before making a criticism is that we do it to obtain positive results, therefore you have to fill yourself with positivity before launching the criticism. First, value the good that the person you want to talk to does, and think of criticism as a small mistake that you can correct.
- Before starting the criticism, it is highly recommended to find out about the situation in which the person is. Perhaps what you consider to have been done wrong, has not been done wrong, but simply does not know what your method is, does not know how to do it to your liking, or simply could not do better for whatever reason. In such a case, that person does not need criticism, but a little help, a push. But if you consider that he inevitably needs criticism, what you must avoid at all times is the humiliation of the person you must criticize. Do not under any circumstances underestimate her, if you start like this, you will fail in your objective. And this does not mean that you simply do not use insults, there are more subtle ways of humiliation without using ugly words.
- Another of the tricks to make a good constructive criticism is to specify. If you have to criticize someone, it will always be for a specific issue, so when you tell the person, tell them about the specific moment in which they made the mistake. Avoid expressions like ‘recently’, get to the point and say ‘today’ or ‘yesterday’ or whatever it was. Of course, the main thing is to objectively explain to him the mistake he has made, why you consider it to be a mistake and explain to him how you think he can improve it. Remember: don’t ramble, don’t dramatize, and don’t take things out of context.
Avoid generating impotence in the person you have to criticize
- One very important thing is to choose the right time and place to critique. It is convenient to prevent the person, prevent in a friendly way, so that they do not get upset and take it badly. And of course, something essential to make a criticism is to do it face to face, with the actual person present. And it is that to make a criticism you have to control your tone of voice, gestures and appear calm at all times, and if you are not present, the criticized person can misinterpret certain things simply because they do not see you.
- If you don’t do it bravely, looking at your face, and if you don’t do it in the right place and at the right time, the only thing you can generate is impotence in the person you are addressing. Impotence that can arise if the criticism you make has no foundation or specific objectives, that is, if with that criticism you already know in advance that you are not going to achieve the objectives you set for yourself, that you will not be able to modify anything. If you know that it cannot be done better or in another way, surely the person you are trying to criticize also knows it, so avoid at all costs twitching the person you are addressing.
- To make a good constructive criticism you have to focus on the person you are going to criticize, do not involve others or put into another’s mouth what you are saying. He speaks for you. Don’t make that person’s mistake a problem for others either. Don’t threaten by saying that that person’s mistake can affect others if it’s not true. And if it is, if the error of one person has certainly harmed many others, we will not be talking about criticism, but about a more serious issue that you will have to deal with not only with that person but also with the group of people who have been harmed. Criticizing is not threatening, threats can only be taken as they are: threats. You can’t take this lightly.
- And the success of constructive criticism is assured if you start first by acknowledging your own mistakes and explaining how you corrected them., that is, making self-criticism. When faced with criticism, you always, always have to offer solutions, alternatives, explain in a calm and relaxed way what you would have done in their place.