Going through a grieving process in the face of the loss of a loved one is one of the most complex (and sometimes devastating) experiences that human beings can experience. And it is that it is not easy for anyone to face the implications of the departure of someone we love.
In addition, it is important to know that grief , although it can vary in form and intensity, also arises when we face other types of losses: the loss of an important skill, the change of a city, the loss of a job, etc. In short, all those experiences that involve facing and closing a stage of our life.
The feelings of sadness and hopelessness that arise during grief can even be disabling for some people. But, as time goes by, these feelings begin to dissipate, and we gradually go back to getting on with our lives adjusting to a new reality.
What exactly is mourning?
- Before delving deeper into the subject, it is necessary to understand what grief is: it is the natural reaction (psychological and behavioral) to loss, for example, the death of a loved one. This reaction is often accompanied by symptoms typically associated with major depressive episodes, according to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (also known as DSM-5).
- For his part, Bucay (2005) defines mourning as a “normal process of elaboration in the face of a loss, with tendencies to harmonize and adapt the internal experiences of the person in relation to the external reality that they must face”.
- In this way, it is important to keep in mind that grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one. We can also experience grief when losing a job, finishing some studies, ending a love relationship, moving house… In short, any change that implies a loss or the culmination or termination of a sentimental bond.
Is there a proper way to go through a duel?
- The answer is no. There is no formula to be able to cope with a duel, since it responds to many factors inherent to the person who goes through it and the environment in which they find themselves. For some people this process is easier than for others and there is nothing wrong with it. There is no set pattern that you must follow to cope with your grief. Learn to respect your times and, if necessary, seek professional help to do so.
- There is no guide of steps to follow so that grief is easy or fast, the experience is different for each person. Everyone tries to find their center within the chaotic situation that represents a loss.
- It is very common to hear from those around us the things we must do to manage pain. Many times, they do it with the best of intentions, but this is of no help. The best you can do is just join us.
Sensations you can experience in the grieving process
The complexity of grief is evidenced by the wide variety of symptoms that can be experienced. They will not necessarily all be lived, and their intensity will be variable. Some of these symptoms are:
- Feeling a deep sadness that overwhelms you for much of the time.
- Having attention problems, with the exception of objects or details that remind the loved one towards which the interest is extreme.
- Losing interest in life or finding no meaning in it.
- About thinking all the time about the being you’ve lost and having trouble accepting that it’s gone.
- Difficulties sleeping and eating.
- Feeling of emotional distance with what surrounds you.
- Inability to enjoy what was once enjoyable.
- Feelings of guilt Feeling like you could have done something to stop it from happening.
- Wanting to isolate yourself from everyone and everything.
- Feeling irritable even over the most insignificant things.
You may experience all or some of these symptoms and that is normal within the grieving process, but when time passes and these feelings do not diminish, we may think that you are going through a complicated duel and therapeutic support is required.
How do I know if I have overcome the duel?
Determining to what extent we have grieved is quite complex, but there are some indicators that can give you indications that you have overcome it:
- You begin to accept reality. You accept that this person will no longer return (or that this stage of your life has ended).
- You adapt to a new dynamic of life.
- When you remember your loved one, you do it with joy, love and/or longing, but not with deep sadness.
- Your sleep cycles have been regulated.
- You’ve got an appetite again.
- You enjoy the company of others and are excited to go out and do things.
The pain of a loss does not always disappear, but it does transform, decrease in intensity and allow us to see life from a new perspective. It drives us to move forward valuing every aspect of life, appreciating the times, relationships, experiences…
What to do to overcome a grieving process
- The first thing you must do to go through any grieving process is to learn to respect your times and allow yourself to feel the pain and emptiness that this causes.
- Experiencing a duel is not easy, but the worst thing we can do is refuse to feel the pain. It is necessary to drop all that burden in order to free ourselves and begin the process of adapting to a new reality of life without that person.
- Professional help for the development of the grieving process is recommended, as it will allow you to create the necessary strategies for accepting what happened and will help you integrate into a new life routine, with the changes that the loss will imply.
- If in the middle of your grieving process you experience suicidal thoughts, it is very important that you talk about it with someone, it can be a family member or close friend. If you feel that these types of ideas are recurring, do not hesitate to ask for help from mental health professionals.
Everything you can learn from a duel
- It is important to allow yourself to feel and not rush the grieving process. It will take as long as it takes to heal and it will hurt as much as it has to hurt, and no one has the right to invalidate or dismiss what you feel.
- Griefs are not negative aspects of life. On the contrary, mourning offers you the possibility of accepting, forgiving and letting go of what happened.
- And more importantly, grief can help you give more importance to the things that really have value in life; to appreciate the quality time spent, to strengthen relationships, to forgive old grudges and to understand how ephemeral life is, not as something negative, but as the necessary impetus to learn to appreciate this wonderful journey called life.
- Mourning is therefore a transformation process that contains in itself a deep growth for our soul. Receive all our love to help you heal!
- “Mourning is a good thing. It’s the way to go through life’s transitions.”
- -Rick Warren-