Many people await the arrival of Christmas with great anticipation. Vacations, coming home, gatherings with family and friends, gifts… All this usually generates a lot of joy and happiness on these dates. But it’s not always like this. There are other people who go through difficult times at Christmas such as the loss of a loved one.
How to face grief at Christmas? Is it possible to enjoy this time in these circumstances? In this article we have spoken with Dafne Catalunya, psychologist and founder of the European Institute of Positive Psychology, who has given us some guidelines to cope with the empty seat syndrome.
Mourning at Christmas after the loss of a loved one
- “Mourning has its natural stages that must be processed, but with accompaniment or psychological help, adaptation to absence can be accelerated a bit,” Dafne Catalunya begins by recommending us.
- It is true that grief is one of the most complex processes on an emotional level and each person deals with it in their own way, also depending a lot on various factors such as the proximity of the deceased person. “The mourning process at Christmas will be easier in families with children who bring greater joy,” adds Dafne.
- Usually, in the first Christmas after the loss of a loved one, people who experience it usually deal with it in the following way:
- Stopping celebrating Christmas: “If we don’t feel completely comfortable, we can freely choose not to celebrate Christmas,” says psychologist Dafne Cataluña. If you still don’t feel ready to celebrate Christmas without that person who is no longer there, it’s okay, don’t force yourself to do something you don’t feel like doing.
- Acting as if nothing had happened: “Avoiding talking about it and spending Christmas as if that absence was not there is counterproductive. To integrate and normalize the grieving process in a healthy way, it is recommended to have the freedom to talk about it naturally from affection and nostalgia”, advises Dafne.
- Do something different: Other people choose to live Christmas in a completely different way than they did with that person who has passed away. Taking a trip, celebrating Christmas with the traditions of another country… There are many alternatives and all of them are equally valid.
Tips for coping with empty chair syndrome
- It is not easy to sit at the table at Christmas and have absences or empty chairs. Given this, you can follow the following guidelines to cope with it in the best possible way:
- Respect and express your feelings: do not repress your emotions at any time. If you feel like crying, cry, but if you feel like laughing, you can too. “You can be sad and happy at the same time, you can miss the person who is not there and, at the same time, have moments of illusion, enjoyment and joy with other people and experiences”, Dafne emphasizes. In addition, in these circumstances, the rest is very important. You should also respect if other people handle grief differently than you do.
- Do something symbolic for the absent person: “Christmas is also a good time to symbolically do some act of farewell to that loved one, such as writing a letter, advises the psychologist. You can also put an object on the table that reminds you of that person: a photograph, her favorite shirt…
- Avoid isolation: even if you and your family agree not to celebrate Christmas this year, it is not recommended that you isolate yourself. Social isolation can aggravate grief and delay its phases and acceptance of the situation.