Vincent Van Gogh said: “Let us not forget that small emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” But… can you imagine what it would be like to live without knowing what you feel? How much frustration can this inability generate?
We are talking about alexithymia, a symptom manifested by people who cannot identify what they feel, understand it or manage it. Alexithymia can manifest itself in isolation or in psychological disorders such as autism spectrum disorders (ASD), psychosomatic disorders, certain personality disorders (such as borderline personality disorder), dissociative disorders, or some depressive episodes.
In this article we will approach the concept in a generic way, we will know a little better its meaning, where it comes from, what people with alexithymia are like and what is its recommended treatment.
Alexithymia: definition and origin
- The RAE defines alexithymia as ” the inability to recognize one’s own emotions and express them, especially verbally”. It is a concept introduced by Professor of Psychiatry Peter Sifneos in 1973, who used it to describe a group of symptoms observed in patients with psychosomatic illnesses.
- According to the psychiatrist, quoted in an article by psychologists Javier Fernandez-Montalvo and Sagrario Yárnoz, from the University of the Basque Country, alexithymia literally means: ” absence of words to express emotions.”
- Thus, alexithymia, broadly speaking, denotes a difficulty in identifying, describing and expressing emotions and feelings and an impoverished internal fantasy life (internal world).
- People with alexithymia are unaware of their emotions and have real difficulties in identifying them. Thus, it is not that they cannot experience emotions, but that they are not capable of identifying those emotions or of describing what they feel, what happens to them, how they experience the emotion; In short, they cannot describe their emotions and feelings.
- For example, they are not aware that emotions are usually accompanied by certain physiological symptoms, such as: muscle tension when we feel fear, chest pressure when we feel anxiety, heart rate acceleration when we feel anger, etc.
- In this way, when they experience some of these symptoms, they cannot attribute them to a certain emotion; As a result, they can interpret the symptoms as signs of a possible organic disease.
- It is believed that people with alexithymia are mostly men and that this problem can be accompanied by other psychological problems, such as psychosomatic disorders.
- However, as we will see below, alexithymia goes far beyond the inability to identify emotions. It is also extrapolated to other areas of our life other than the emotional one and translates into certain behaviors, non-verbal language, ways of thinking or making decisions, etc.
- This has an impact on our relationship with ourselves but also on our personal relationships and, ultimately, on our well-being. What are alexithymic people like? What behaviors can they show in this regard?
Characteristics of alexithymic people
- What else do we know about people with alexithymia? Some of the characteristics or behaviors that they can display are:
- They manifest difficulties when expressing emotions and differentiating them.
- They present difficulties to identify and understand the emotional states of others (they find it difficult to develop empathy).
- At the level of non-verbal language, they can show a rigid and inexpressive posture.
- His communication style is monotonous (without affective nuances or changes in the tone of voice, for example).
- Absence of fantasies or daydreams.
- They do not usually make use of the imagination.
- Behaviors based on reason and logic and not on emotions.
- Decision making based on rational and functional aspects, without taking emotional aspects into account.
- They do not resort to intuition when interpreting reality.
- They show a very specific type of thinking.
- They face conflictive situations through action and impulsiveness.
- Their behaviors are usually direct, practical, aimed at “solving” problems and not at understanding them.
- They can show sociability problems by showing a certain distance or indifference towards others.
- They can relate in a very stereotyped way, with ” what is expected of them “.
- They are people who stick to conventional rules and norms.
- It is difficult for them to tolerate discomfort because they do not know how to identify it.
How to recognize someone with difficulty expressing feelings and emotions?
- In general, we can say that when we meet someone with alexithymia, we can identify them because they are someone who speaks very little, with great mental rigidity. In addition, they have a low capacity for introspection and fantasies, that is, with an impoverished inner life.
- The latter, logically, cannot be known “at first”, but if we get to know that person more we can discover it. At a cognitive level, that is, in relation to his way of thinking, it is oriented to the external, to the concrete, to the practical.
- If we interact with them, we will see that it is difficult for them to talk about emotions because they do not quite locate or understand them. But alexithymia is not about a deficiency when it comes to processing or understanding information, but about something emotional or personality.
Interference of alexithymia in daily life
- According to Dr. Vanesa Fernandez Lopez in Psychology, alexithymia can mean significant interference in the person’s daily life. On the one hand, it hinders their interpersonal relationships, since the people in the environment are not fed back by the person with alexithymia.
- That is to say, before an achievement, for example, they are incapable of being enthusiastic. In addition, according to the expert, they can seem cold and too pragmatic, which would also make contact with others difficult. At the level of self-esteem, they may also have deficits, since having great difficulties in connecting with their own emotions, this means that they do not connect with their essence, with what they are or what they feel.
- And self-esteem, after all, is largely nourished by self-knowledge. Not to mention the suffering generated by the fact of not being able to identify emotions and the emotional chaos that this entails.
Treatment of alexithymia
- Treatment for alexithymia is ideally psychological (psychotherapeutic) treatment. This, according to the clinical psychologist Elena Mató, should focus on working on the identification of emotions, their awareness, their differentiation and their management or approach.
- That is, the objective is for the person to learn from their own emotions; that he identifies them, associating the specific physical symptoms with their corresponding emotion and that, in addition, he can channel them appropriately.
- For this, it will be important to work with the patient so that they learn to focus their attention on the expressions or symptoms that accompany each emotion. That is, that he may be able to identify and associate: physical symptoms, bodily sensations, thoughts, gestures, tone of voice, etc., with each emotion.
- As we have seen, alexithymia is a not a recent concept, introduced by Sifneos almost fifty years ago. Currently, there are still people with alexithymia, an inability to identify their own emotions (and those of others) and, as a consequence, to express what they feel.
- The behaviors of people with alexithymia are usually based on reason, logic and practice and not on emotional aspects. To address this disability or symptom, it is best for the person to progressively learn what their emotions are telling them; that is, that he becomes aware of them, that he recognizes them, differentiates them and channels them appropriately.