Human beings are sociable by nature, and this means that we need to feel affection from birth. Feeling cared for, protected and loved by our parents or caregivers is essential for healthy emotional development throughout our lives. When we do not have love as children, the consequences of this lack affect us for the rest of our lives, because we form an insecure style attachment.
This will have consequences on our self-esteem and the way we relate to others. However, and luckily, all this can also be worked on (and treated) as adults, especially through adequate psychological therapy. In this article we tell you the signs of lack of love in childhood and the consequences of affective deficiencies.
What are affective deficiencies?
- It is always important that we are clear about the terms. There is talk of affective deficiencies when the necessary care is not taken for our psycho-emotional development. This refers to the level of attention and demonstration of affection by parents or caregivers.
- The lack of affection translates into insecurity, which will affect each stage of their development until adulthood, if they are not treated. Throughout life, the consequences of affective deficiencies in childhood are presented in various ways that include emotional, social, self-perception and even physical aspects.
- During early childhood, we can notice that the consequences of affective deficiencies are evident with very insecure children, who cry a lot and may even tend to get sick frequently. They can develop language problems at their school age and their self-esteem begins to be affected.
- They become very shy and insecure adolescents, who can be very withdrawn and at the same time have significant rebellious behaviors. The fear of rejection makes it very difficult for them to socialize with other teens.
- Upon reaching adulthood, all these experiences make him someone with many emotional problems. In a study carried out (Moreno, et al., 2019) to determine the influence of affective deficiencies during childhood on the relationships of college-age women, it was evidenced that for most of them it was very difficult to express their feelings.
- A large number of those surveyed reflected that they had not spent quality time with their parents and that they feel they did not have sufficient affective education. This had a direct impact on their adult lives, making them insecure and with self-esteem issues.
- “All that a man can do, certainly, is to give his affection to a single being or to a few human beings.”
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin-
Characteristics of adults with affective deficiencies in childhood
- Feeling affection in childhood is very important for the healthy development of the personality. If this does not happen, the impacts can be very negative, even producing mental disorders such as anxiety, depression, among others. Some studies, such as this one by Nayra Bellera and collaborators (2018), have shown that affective deficiencies are a significant aggravating factor in terms of mental disorders.
- But not everything leads to mental health problems like the aforementioned disorders. There are also other consequences that can be experienced in daily life and that, if not treated in time, can cause a lot of discomfort. We are talking about:
Low self esteem
One of the most significant impacts of affective deficiencies during childhood is its effect on self-esteem. As adults we feel that we are not capable or deserving of affection, which changes our behavior. It can be: taking a victim role or pretending that nothing affects us so as not to feel vulnerable.
Distrust in others
By not believing ourselves deserving of love and affection, we tend to feel distrust of what other people may feel for us. This means a tendency to think that when someone expresses love or affection for her, she is lying. This greatly hinders interpersonal relationships.
Fear of being alone
Loneliness is one of the greatest fears of people who have suffered emotional deprivation in their childhood. This translates into staying in harmful relationships, emotional dependence, accepting bad behaviors or also, it can be the fear of having a relationship with someone for fear that they will leave us.
Submissive couple relationships
They tend to be submissive people and obsessive behaviors are the order of the day. You feel a pressing need to know where the other person is all the time and, given any impossibility of knowing, thoughts about a possible infidelity immediately assault the mind.
Constant need for approval
This is reflected in the relationships of all kinds that develop throughout our lives. For a person with affective deficiencies, it is very easy to fall into manipulation and even mistreatment by other people, by constantly seeking approval of everything that is done, thought or said.
“The deepest principle of human character is the longing to be appreciated.”
-William James-
Consequences of affective deficiencies in adults
- As we have already seen, the effects of these deficiencies can be observed in all areas of life. But we can summarize the consequences in 3 large groups:
- People who are very fearful. They tend to need constant approval, they are very afraid of being rejected or abandoned and for this reason they become submissive and sometimes accept mistreatment.
- Aggressive people. They are the ones who are usually very authoritarian and seem to completely lack empathy towards others. They tend to be unsociable.
- Dependent people. They are characterized by being very jealous and controlling, not only with their partners, but with any type of relationship. They tend to want to hog the attention and affection of others all the time.
The impact of affective deficiencies: from childhood to adulthood
- Receiving affection is essential for the healthy development of our personality; but sometimes, this does not depend on us and the consequences of not treating the impact that this has on the soul can be very negative. We cannot control what happened to us, but we can control our attitude towards it.
- Having grown up with affective deficiencies in childhood will have repercussions in our adult life; in how we experience what does not happen, how we perceive ourselves and even in the capacities that we have or believe we have to face life.
- The sooner the consequences of affective deficiencies in childhood are addressed, the easier it will be to solve them, resinify them, create new strategies to deal with them and make use of the wonderful capacity that all human beings have, which is resilience.
- If this is your case and you have had emotional deficiencies in childhood that affect your adult life, seek professional help, it is never too late to heal the wounds and bet on a healthy and happy life. You deserve it!
- “Happiness, true happiness, is an internal quality. It is a state of mind. If your mind is at peace, you will be happy. If your mind is at peace and you have nothing else, you can be happy. If you have everything the world can give; pleasure, possessions, power, but you lack peace of mind, you cannot be happy”.
-Dada Vaswani-