It is difficult for all of us to make important decisions, the kind that can set the course of our lives. Other times we doubt about the best option in less important things. And there will be more than once that you have stopped doing something because you did not finish making up your mind. But how does that indecision affect your life? Do you keep going or do you find it disabling? Because if indecision does not let you live, then it may be aboulomania or inability to make decisions, a disorder that you can overcome if you get treatment, although it can have many consequences.
What is aboulomania
- Aboulomania is the inability to make decisions. It’s not that it costs you much, it’s that you don’t do it at all. You let life decide for you or, even more dangerous, you leave the decision in the hands of other people. Close people, family, partner or friends make decisions that affect your life because you don’t feel capable.
- Surely more than once you have noticed the anguish, sleepless nights, excessive worry and anxiety before making an important decision. That’s not a problem, it’s something very normal. Just as different degrees of indecision among people are normal. But now imagine that intense emotional charge you feel when you have to decide something important but all day, every day.
- People with aboulomania notice that pressure before a decision in the face of the most inconsequential things. What time do I take the subway, what clothes do I wear, what to buy in the supermarket, what do I prepare for dinner today, how do I choose the destination of my vacation, call or not call that guy, where to meet my best friend, what do I tell him? to my boss… Maybe I need to buy a car to go to work or even need a haircut but I can’t decide.
Causes of aboulomania
- The exact cause of aboulomania is not known. Some theories point to a physiological cause related to problems in the prefrontal cortex, since it is there where decisions are made consciously, but there are not enough studies to confirm this.
- Generally, there is a greater tendency to think that it is a disorder caused by family influence, by having been raised in an overprotective or excessively disciplined environment or even by having suffered some traumatic experience such as being humiliated in public, for example. In any case, the origin of aboulomania is found in insecurity and that is where the chosen therapy will have to pay special attention.
Consequences of aboulomania
It should be clarified that the logical doubt before any decision becomes an obsession in the case of aboulomania. That is why it becomes a very dangerous mental disorder because it is also disabling. Being unable to make decisions, even the most trivial ones, causes a life block in all areas.
Deterioration of social life
- But also aboulomania is accompanied by disorders such as anxiety and depression and there are many cases of suicide that come from this inability to decide. Among the most obvious consequences are the deterioration of work, family and social life, but we are facing a problem of great complexity in which aspects such as low self-esteem, insecurity and dependency are intermingled.
- It is very difficult to make a decision when your mind has already turned to the worst, when obsessive thoughts have become intrusive and have distorted reality. The typical question of ‘what’s the worst that can happen if you make this decision?’ acquires tragic overtones in the case of aboulomania. And in these conditions it is best to postpone the action, which does not mean stop thinking obsessively about that decision.
Others make decisions for them
Generally, people with aboulomania leave decision-making to others, even those that affect only and exclusively them. This becomes a great danger in the case of the couple relationship due to the dependency it generates. But the social circle also suffers, since it is difficult to agree on something with a person who lives in full indecision and when the simple fact of deciding where to meet for coffee is a daunting task.
It can incapacitate the sufferer
- You have to deal with catastrophic thoughts, with the erosion of self-esteem, with a lack of self-confidence and later with social isolation. We are talking about a very limiting disorder that, accompanied by depression and anxiety, ends up disabling the person who suffers from it. With the passage of time, the behavior ceases to be functional and the person with aboulomania finds himself in a blind alley without strength and without the ability to decide to take the plunge.
- The step is to seek psychological treatment, of course. But this decision is also impossible to make, so it will have to be the people close to you who give you the final push until you get specialized help.
Treatment of aboulomania
- Aboulomania can be overcome and, although in some cases it requires drug treatment, psychological therapy is essential. It will be the professional who determines which therapy is the most appropriate according to the person, but in any case, they will provide the patient with tools to improve their autonomy and also their self-esteem.
- We cannot forget that self-esteem plays a fundamental role in this disorder. Maybe not at first, but over time the inability to make decisions erodes self-esteem to extremes that can endanger that person’s life. We are not talking about a mere indecision or lack of will, but about a serious disorder that must be attended to by professionals.
- To overcome aboulomania, you will also need treatment for anxiety or, where appropriate, for depression. The therapy will place special emphasis on learning to tolerate uncertainty, since it is one of the most important aspects, as well as the most frequent source of anxiety disorders. Not knowing what will happen, not being sure of the consequences of a decision and not having everything under control is something you have to learn to live with.
- And it is not so easy when it has already become a disorder. Gaining self-confidence is important, but it is also important to learn to handle uncertainty without it paralyzing us. For better or for worse, we cannot tell the future and trusting ourselves also means trusting life. Ultimately, we all make mistakes and nothing is irreparable.
Effective method for making decisions
As advice for people who, without having aboulomania, have a hard time making decisions, we have found the ideal method to improve this aspect. It is the 10-10-10 method and we will explain it to you in case it is useful to you.
The next time you have doubts and you do not dare to decide, make a decision and think about three things about it:
- If you make that decision, how will you feel in 10 minutes?
- And in 10 months?
- And 10 years from now, how will this decision have affected your life?
It is a method that helps you to relativize the consequences of any decision and that you can use for both important and trivial decisions.