Abuse encompasses all those actions that involve some type of aggression or violence towards someone. As its name indicates, it is a way of treating someone badly, of aggressively addressing that person or living being, through insults, shouting or even physical violence. 
One type of abuse is psychological abuse, and according to Garbarino et al. (1989), cited in an article by the psychologist Montserrat Gómez (2006), is a term that is sometimes used simultaneously with others such as emotional abuse or abuse, psychological abuse…
It is defined, according to the same authors, as “the most elusive and harmful form of maltreatment in childhood” and represents “the central role and the most destructive factor of any form of maltreatment”. Psychological abuse can occur at any age, not only in childhood, and in any type of affective relationship.
In this article we tell you what the different types of abuse are, what exactly psychological abuse consists of and what are the signs to recognize it.
Types of abuse
Beyond psychological abuse and, depending on its characteristics, we are talking about different types of abuse. Some of the most frequent are:
- Physical abuse: A type of abuse in which there is physical violence.
- Psychological, verbal or emotional abuse: it is a type of emotional violence in which shouting, criticism, control, manipulation…
- Sexual abuse: Exerting sexual violence on someone or sexual exploitation.
- Economic abuse: pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control through money.
- Institutional abuse: that exercised by institutions through laws, regulations, procedures or actions.
- Bullying: harassment, physical and psychological abuse in the school environment.
- Mobbing: harassment in the workplace.
In this article we will focus on psychological abuse, a type of abuse that leaves serious psychological consequences in the person who suffers it. We will explain what it consists of and what are the signs to recognize it.
Psychological abuse: what is it?
Also called verbal or emotional abuse, it is characterized by a form of emotional violence, through which different behaviors are used. Among these behaviors we find:
- Insults and screams.
- Manipulation and emotional blackmail.
- Constant criticism of the other.
- Control of the person through their social networks, mobile phone, friends, schedules…
- Actions to embarrass the person in public.
- Verbal threats related to harming the victim or his family.
- Prevent the person from talking to their relatives.
·Are you psychologically mistreating me? How to detect it
When a person feels that they are suffering psychological abuse, it is likely that they must face behaviors from their partner or from other people in their environment that are causing them harm. When that damage is intentional, we are talking about possible psychological abuse.
Do you feel that you could be suffering psychological abuse? How to recognize it? We leave you some of the most important signs that we must take into account when identifying it:
The other person controls you
Control is a type of psychological abuse, a manifestation or evidence of it. A person can control you through different mechanisms, for example, by controlling:
- Your money.
- Your schedules.
- The people you associate with, your friends.
- Your mobile.
- Your social networks.
- Your clothes.
Control is exercised through: constantly asking about certain issues (where are you going? who are you going with? why are you dressed like that? why were you connected at midnight? etc.), watching the person, investigate what they do or their environment, distrust them and, ultimately, ask numerous questions that the other does not have to know.
Let’s remember that healthy and abuse-free relationships are those in which one can be oneself without fear and this implies not having to give according to what explanations. So if your partner controls you, set off the alarm bell.
Criticize everything you do
Criticism is another form of psychological abuse. It implies issuing negative comments about everything the other does. Through criticism, the abuser tries to hurt the victim. We are not talking about a constructive criticism or that seeks a positive change in the other, a contribution to improve, etc., but it is a harmful and destructive criticism.
If you feel that your partner or another person in your environment (family, friends…) constantly criticize what you do (how you dress, how you talk, who you interact with, etc.), you may be facing a possible case of abuse. At this point it is important to note that sometimes the abuser acts covertly, in the sense that; He may “criticize” you along with phrases like “but I love you the same”, or similar. Remember that covert abuse is also abuse and do not allow it under any circumstances.
Insults or humiliates you
Although it seems like a fairly obvious signal, we think it is important to include it here as well. When a person insults or humiliates us, he not only does not love us, but he is intentionally making us suffer. This is abuse.
Sometimes the aggressor’s insults appear progressively, as well as behaviors that seek to humiliate or embarrass us. It is a way that abusers have to install their abuse little by little, trying to make it “less noticeable” or that we do not realize it; that is why recognizing this and other signs is so important to abandon this type of relationships that are so harmful and destructive to oneself.
Does not respect you
Respect is the basis of a healthy relationship, and when it does not appear, we are also facing a possible case of psychological abuse. What does it mean to not respect someone? How can we detect these disrespect? When someone doesn’t respect you, what he does is…
- It doesn’t give you the space you need.
- Question all your decisions.
- It questions your worth as a person, your achievements, your strengths…
- Belittles and questions your work.
- He lies to you on a recurring basis.
- He hides things from you.
- He yells at you.
- It hits you.
- He insults you.
Manipulates you
- Manipulation is that behavior aimed at exerting some type of negative influence or behavior control on the other, through techniques such as lying or deceit, mental suggestion, pressure… This action seeks to reduce the critical capacity or self-criticism of the victim, in addition to their ability to judge things autonomously, or to refuse behaviors that cause them harm.
- In short, manipulation is another form of abuse that should be known to prevent. It is not always easy to detect when someone manipulates us; To detect these behaviors, we recommend that you always look at the facts and not at the words.
- If there are things about the other that because you anguish, if they have lied to you repeatedly, if they always want to be right or get what they want “at all costs” with you (although sometimes they hide very well and “adorn” their behavior with good words), then it is likely that he is manipulating you.
Question everything you do
Another of the signs to recognize psychological abuse is the questioning that the other does of everything we do, which includes our personal worth.
If you feel that your partner or another person close to you never validates your emotions, questions your actions and your decisions, makes you feel bad for everything you do, downplays your merits, makes you doubt yourself… Then, it is likely that he is exercising psychological abuse on you. If this happens to you, don’t ignore it, don’t downplay it; Get out of there and seek help.
The importance of paying attention to signs of abuse
- As we have seen, some of the signs that allow us to recognize psychological abuse are more obvious than others. Not every abuser acts the same and there are very subtle forms of abuse (which, we insist, are still abuse). Among the perhaps subtlest behaviors we find: covert manipulation, questioning the other, lying… And among the most obvious behaviors we find shouting, insults or humiliation.
- Whatever signs you observe, what matters is that you become aware of them and never let them pass you by. If you are with someone who makes you feel bad and who exercises some of the behaviors mentioned, do not hesitate: get safe and ask for help.
- You deserve a healthy relationship, equal to equal, where you are respected and where the freedom of all its members is promoted. In short: a relationship based on respect and love, never on violence, whatever the type.